I can’t fight this feeling any longer
And yet I’m still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show
I tell myself that I can’t hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when we’re together
You give my life direction
You make everything so clear
And even as I wander
I’m keeping you in sight
You’re a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winter’s night
And I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might
And I can’t fight this feeling anymore
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
It’s time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever
~ Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore by REO Speedwagon
Eric’s kiss is tender but firm. His lips move softly against mine. It’s been so long since I’ve been kissed like this that I think I have forgotten how to do it. But it really is like riding a bicycle; it only takes me a second until my lips are moving eagerly against his. His hands pull me even closer to his body. Good Lord above, he is hard in all the right places! If he wasn’t holding me so tightly, I think I would fall to a heap on the floor. My hands are griping the back of his shirt tightly; I am hanging on for dear life. The sound of Hunter giggling brings me out of my stupor.
“Ewww, Momma’s kissing!” Hunter says in between giggles.
My eyes flutter open to find Eric’s blue eyes gazing at me intently. So much emotion swirls in the depths of his eyes that it takes my breath away. He places a gentle kiss on my forehead before stepping back slightly. I sway slightly in his arms and he moves his hands to my waist to keep me steady. He grins at me shyly before looking over me towards Hunter.
“Trust me, little man, one day you are going to like kissing girls,” he says with an exaggerated wink and smile towards Hunter.
“Gross! Girls have cooties,” Hunter says with disgust in his voice.
I turn around in Eric’s arms to face my son. Hunter is sitting on the couch between Lafayette and Jesus. They both look so happy at seeing Eric with his arms around me. I cannot help the blush that spreads across my face. Oh my God, how could I have forgotten they were in the room? I can’t believe I was kissing Eric in front of other people! Trying to overcome my sudden feeling of awkwardness, I scoop my son up off the couch and bury my face in his neck.
“I’m a girl. Does this mean I have cooties?” I ask my son between placing kisses all over his neck and face. Hunter is giggling and shrieking in excitement. I move over to the overstuffed chair and drop him down on it. I start tickling his sides and stomach, my son is so very ticklish; he gets that trait from me. He squirms and twists around in the seat trying to avoid my fingers.
“Momma, stop!” Hunter begs. I pull back so he can sit up, but I keep my hand raised in the air ready to strike again. Hunter’s t-shirt is all twisted on his body, his hair is sticking up all over the place, and his face is a bright red color from all the laughing.
“Do I have cooties?” I ask him again as I flex my fingers. Hunter stares at my hand as he weighs his decision. He knows if he says yes, I’ll tickle him again. Of course, even if he says no I may tickle him again. Ah the joys of motherhood…
“Mommas don’t have cooties. They are the ‘ception to the rule,” Hunter says with a sly grin on his face. I laugh at my little boy and give him a kiss on the check before standing back up.
“Its exception, baby, not ‘ception. Now make sure you thank Lt. Northman for the iPad,” I say as I glance over my shoulder to look at Eric. He is still standing in the doorway, his hands in his pockets with one shoulder leaning against the door frame. I hadn’t noticed what he was wearing before, but now my eyes move hungrily over his body. Black tailored dress pants and a thin red sweater that clings to him like a second skin. My eyes finally meet his and he arcs an eyebrow at me. He caught me checking him out. A blush spreads across my checks again and I bite my lip shyly. Eric takes a step towards me, but his progress is halted by Hunter.
Hunter wiggles down from the chair and runs to Eric. My son wraps his arms around Eric’s legs and looks up at him with a huge smile on his face. “Thank you Lt. Northman!” I’m sure my neighbor’s three houses down could hear my son’s appreciation since he shouted his thank you so loudly.
Eric places his hands underneath Hunter’s arms and picks him up so they are at eye level. “You’re welcome, Little Man. If it’s alright with your Mom, maybe we can play some games on there. Somebody told me that your favorite game is Fruit Ninja. Do you want to show me how to play?”
Hunter nods his head enthusiastically and squirms in Eric’s arms so he can get down. Hunter then grabs Eric by the hand and leads him to the overstuffed chair he had sat in. Eric sits down as Hunter runs to the couch to get his new iPad and then back to Eric and climbs up into his lap. Two blond heads bend to stare intently at the new Christmas present as Hunter explains the intricacies of Fruit Ninja.
Seeing the helpless look on my face, Lafayette and Jesus get up from the couch and move towards the kitchen. “Come on Baby Girl, I’s help you finish up dinner. Jesus can pour us some more wine?” Lafayette grabs my arm and steers me into the kitchen.
I open my mouth to speak, but Lafayette puts his finger over my mouth to stop me. He speaks softly to me, “Don’t over think this, Baby Girl. That man out there cares about you and Hunter a lot. Yous deserve to be happy. Don’t worry ‘bout what other peoples think!”
Jesus moves to stand by us and gives each of us a glass of wine.. “Listen to Lafayette, Sook. Do you honestly think he and I would let just anyone show up at your house on Christmas? I’ve spent a lot of time talking to Eric about you.” I pale hearing Jesus say this, but Jesus rushes to reassure me. “I didn’t tell him anything private, but he needed to understand the situation you’re in. Lafayette and I put him through the wringer last weekend,” Jesus tells me this with a wink.
“What did y’all talk about?” I’m more than a little irritated that my friends think it is ok to discuss my life with a virtual stranger. I know they mean well, but I don’t want my business broadcasted for the whole world to know about. Hell, if that’s what I wanted, I’d move back to Louisiana!
“Nunya, honey chile’. You and that FINE lookin’ man need to talk.” Before I can respond, Lafayette and Jesus sandwich me between them in a hug. “We always be lookin’ out for ya, Baby Girl. Never forget it,” Lafayette says and presses a noisy kiss to my cheek.
Lafayette helps me finish getting dinner ready. It’s nothing elaborate like the spread we had at Thanksgiving, but it is more than enough food to feed all of us. Everyone eats more than they should, and we all feel stuffed afterwards. When I offer everyone dessert, the men all groan in pain. Jesus asks if I can wrap their dessert to go. He is working tonight, and wants to go home to nap for a bit. I pack up several containers of food to send home with Lafayette and Jesus. When I come out of the kitchen with the bags of food, I see Jesus talking quietly to Eric, and Eric nodding his head in agreement. Not wanting to intrude on their conversation, I carry the bags of food out to the car where Lafayette is stowing their gifts. Jesus comes out a moment later. I give both hugs again and wish them a Merry Christmas. Lafayette pulls out of my driveway with Jesus waving enthusiastically at me.
I walk back in the house to find Eric removing the iPad from Hunter’s lap; he fell asleep curled up in the overstuffed chair with his new favorite toy. Eric picks up Hunter, “Show me where to take him.” I lead the way upstairs to Hunter’s room.
I lead the way upstairs to Hunter’s room. Eric sets Hunter down on his bed, and moves out of my way. I strip my boy of his clothes and put him in his Spider-Man pajamas. I place him in his bed and kiss his check as I pull up the covers. I flip on his Spider-Man night-light and pull the door mostly closed. I walk down the hallway and find Eric waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs.
Today has been so much more than I ever hoped for. The feeling of Sookie’s lips against mine and her lush body pressed against me are indescribable. Having Sookie in my arms was perfect. I could tell that once she realized we had an audience she wasn’t entirely comfortable, and that worries me. Hunter provided a welcome distraction. I thoroughly enjoyed bonding with him over his new iPad. Who knew that a game called Fruit Ninja could be so intense? I strained to listen to Sookie’s conversation with Lafayette and Jesus in the kitchen. I feel very fortunate to have the two of them on my side. It comforts me to know they think Sookie and I will be a good match. I can appreciate how much they love her and how much they want to take care of her. Lafayette also made it perfectly clear that he has no problems making sure no one will find my body if I hurt her.
Dinner was phenomenal; Sookie is an amazing cook and I gorged myself on the food. It’s hard not to do that when each dish tastes better than the last. I knew the guys were going to leave shortly after dinner because of Jesus having to work at the rehabilitation center tonight. Hunter curled up in the chair with his iPad, but I watched as his eyes drifted close. The poor kid wore himself out. I know I haven’t spent a lot of time with him, but he’s funny and smart. I’ve really enjoyed spending time with him, and I hope I get to spend more time with him. I move the iPad and pick Hunter up in my arms as Sookie comes back in the house. I carry him upstairs for her, and move out of her way as she readies him for bed. I stand in the hallway and glance into her bedroom. I feel my cock harden as I think about Sookie and I in that king bed, but I force myself to go downstairs. This is the perfect opportunity to talk to Sookie about everything between us; I’m not going to screw it up.
Sookie walks slowly down the stairs and halts when she is two steps from the bottom. This puts her at eye level with me. My hands hold on to the banister and the railing tightly. All I want to do is close the distance between us and kiss her until we are both breathless. I want to feel her hands touching my body. I want to feel her breasts pressing into my chest. I want to taste her skin. I shake my head in frustration and try to step back from her, but she grabs my sweater and holds me in place as her lips move hungrily on mine.
I moan loudly when she licks the seam of my lips seeking entrance to my mouth. Her tongue slips into my mouth and she eagerly strokes my tongue with her own. Her hands grip my shoulders as she boosts herself up to wrap her legs around my waist. My hands cup her curvy ass to support her.
She pulls her mouth away from mine, and I’m left wanting more. She grins at me as she squeezes my waist with her legs. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” Her body slides against mine, and I groan.
“Sookie, if you keep doing that we’re not going to talk like we need to.” Of course, my hands continue to caress her bottom. My hands slide around to her hips and pull her tighter against me. I’m giving her a little taste of her own medicine as I press myself against her center.
Sookie’s eyes roll back into her head and she gasps softly. She starts pressing kisses along my neck up to my jaw. Her mouth works its way back to my lips. The first kiss I let her set the pace, this time it’s my turn. I push her body against the wall so I can press my body fully into hers. My hands fist in her hair. I unleash every ounce of pent-up frustration I have felt for months. She has haunted my dreams and fantasies since the day we met. I pour all of my longing and desire into the kiss. She whimpers under the onslaught of my passionate embrace, and I pull back. We are both gasping for breath.
I unwrap her legs from my body and let her slide down the wall. I lean my forehead against hers as I continue to gasp for air. “As much as I want this, we have to stop. We need to talk,” I say raggedly. She gulps loudly and whispers her agreement. I step back from her to allow her to walk past me into the living room.
Sookie sits on the couch and I sit next to her. She turns to face me and tucks one leg up into her chest. Seeing how flexible she is distracts me for a moment and I have to shake my head to clear the dirty thoughts from my mind. She looks at me with a raised eyebrow, and I clear my throat before beginning to speak.
“I’m nervous,” Sookie tells me shyly.
“Me too,” I tell her. She smiles at me in relief. “Sookie, we can make this as complicated or as easy as we want. You just have to tell me what you want,” I tell her gently.
Her forehead creases and she frowns slightly as she considers my words. I want to reach out and comfort her, but I don’t want to influence her in any way. This has to be all her choice.
“I didn’t expect this,” she says slowly after a few moments of silence. “I know in my head that I would eventually be attracted to someone again and eventually want to date again, but I didn’t expect it to be this soon. I don’t know if I’m ready for this,” Sookie looks at me with tears in her eyes and I look away. I don’t want her to see how hurt I am at her rejection. I shift on the couch so that I am sitting on the edge of the seat, my arms dangling between my legs.
“Eric, look at me please,” she implores softly. Her soft hands move to my cheeks and force me to look at her. “But I do know that I feel something for you. I don’t know where this is going . All I ask is that you be patient with me.” I smile in relief as it sinks in she is going to give us a shot.
I sit back against the couch and pull her on my lap. Her legs straddle mine with her knees resting beside my hips. She wraps her arms loosely around my neck, her fingers rubbing through the hair on my neck. “I’m going to freak out and you’ll have to calm we down. I’m going to piss you off; you’ll piss me off. We’ll fight, we’ll laugh, we’ll talk…” she blushes as her voice trails off. I can imagine where her mind is going with this, and I have to admit I’m onboard with that plan.
I cup her face in my hands and pull her to me for a gentle kiss. I pull back and rub my thumbs against her cheeks. “Merry Christmas, Sookie.”
“Merry Christmas, Eric,” Sookie says before leaning in to kiss me again.