Eric’s rage is a living, breathing entity that exists within him; furthermore he has no one and nothing to direct his rage at. A great deal of his fury is directed towards Pamela; that selfish cunt has gone too far this time. Eric thought her willingness to give Sookie to Russell Edgington and then firing the rocket launcher during the standoff with Marnie were bad, but he knew those actions were because Pam was trying to keep him among the undead. But his existence isn’t in danger; it hasn’t been in danger since he killed the last of those fucking Yakuza shits on Sookie’s lawn ten years ago. So Pam had no reason to keep Sookie and him apart other than her own petty jealousies. Pam has always needed to feel as if she were the most important thing in Eric’s life. From the night she rose a vampire, Pam has been inordinately attached to her maker. A child is supposed to be attached to their maker, but Pam’s attachment and dependence on Eric go beyond the norm. Pam has always been quick to become jealous and spiteful if she felt he was forming an attachment to someone other than herself. That is why he never told her of his maker or sister. Eric knew Pam would not be able to handle that he cared for others beside her; that his affection for Godric and Nora outweighed the feelings he had for her.
A child is supposed to eventually want to leave their maker’s side, they are supposed to want to venture out on their own and eventually become makers themselves. Pam has never had the desire to go out on her own. Even after being released and becoming a maker herself, Pam’s first priority was always her maker. Eric loved his maker – he loves and misses him still – but even he had wanted to strike out on his own. Godric understood that and let him go his own way after nearly a hundred years together. As much as Eric enjoyed the time apart, he still yearned for Godric’s companionship. So they would travel together off and on throughout their history, but even when they were apart they were never far from one another. Their longest separation had been from World War II until Godric went missing in Dallas.
After Dallas is when Pam’s jealousy towards Sookie first reared its ugly head. Eric’s anguish at losing Godric was too much for him to keep out of the maker/child bond, even though he had tried to shield it from Pam. Her first reaction to Eric’s explanation that his maker had met the sun was met with her fury, as if she was enraged that he cared for someone other than her, but she quickly changed her attitude when she saw how devastated Eric was. Pam tried to console him, but he wanted nothing from her. She had not known Godric; she did not share Eric’s grief at the passing of his maker. But Sookie did. Sookie had cried for the loss of Godric, and she’d tried to comfort Eric with that simple gesture of touching his hand on the roof. She’d stayed with Godric until the end to make sure he did not meet the sun alone. Those actions meant more to Eric than anything; that morning on the rooftop in Dallas is when Eric Northman fell in love with Sookie Stackhouse. He’d grieved deeply the morning his maker met the sun, not even bothering to succumb to the pull of the sun. Eric had wanted to share his pain with someone, and he instinctively knew the blonde spitfire would understand his feelings. He had longed to have Sookie come to his room so they could grieve together, but she had not. And that hurt him deeply though Eric would not admit it to anyone but himself. In the aftermath of Dallas, when someone mentioned Godric, Pam’s emotions were equal smugness and disdain, something Eric could not tolerate. Pam thought Sookie Stackhouse was the reason Eric began to distance himself from her; in truth, it was Pam’s malevolent attitude towards his maker and eventually towards Nora as well.
Eric senses another vampire approaching the house and his blood tingles with the awareness that it is someone of his bloodline. So help him, if Pam has followed him here she will rue the day she had become a vampire! He vamps out of the cubby and out of the house to stand on the porch to see who the intruder is. His aggressive stance and fangs disappear when he sees Willa standing hesitantly in the yard, shifting from one foot to the other. She is worried for her friend and asks hopefully, “Did you find anything?”
“I found nothing to indicate who took Sookie,” he says quietly and Willa’s shoulders sag wearily. “I found her letters and journals. Her last journal entry indicates she knew something wasn’t right. She could sense people watching her and her son. Did you know she tried to contact me as recently as two days ago asking for help?”
Willa places her hands on her hips and glares at me. “Of course I did, but you couldn’t be bothered to help her. Just like you couldn’t be bothered to talk to her at any time over the last ten years! Rather than deal with her yourself you always have your sidekick do it for you!”
Eric bellows in fury before he vamps to Willa to pin her body against the nearest tree. She tries to struggle in his arms, but she is no match for the vampire one hundred times her age. Eric’s fangs glow in the darkness as he snarls his response. “I have NEVER refused to see Sookie! I would have welcomed her with open arms if she had tried to see me. All I have EVER wanted was for Sookie to love me as I love her!”
Willa stares incredulously at her maker. “How could you possibly not know Sookie was trying to contact you all these years?”
“Pam,” Eric spits out as if it is the vilest word he can think of. “She handles the day-to-day correspondence. She only forwards those items she thinks need my immediate attention.”
“OK, I can see how she kept Sookie’s letters from you, but what about phone calls? Hell, I know Sookie even when to Fangtasia a few times early on. How the hell could you not have known she was there?” Willa is reluctant to believe that Eric is completely blameless in his estrangement with Sookie. She watched Sookie cry copious amounts of tears over her maker. Willa couldn’t understand how Sookie continued to love Eric even though it appeared he had scorned her affections. It was another reason Willa hated her maker. In her eyes, Sookie had suffered more than her fair share of tragedies; Willa felt her friend was entitled to a happily ever after.
“We have security at Fangtasia to control the crowds. It’s entirely possible Pam was working the door the nights Sookie tried to see me. Perhaps Pam glamoured the human staff; I just don’t know,” Eric says wearily. He releases his hold on Willa and moves a few feet away. His hands are fisted in his pockets and he stands with his head thrown back looking at the moon and stars; the only constant companions he has had for his entire existence.
“I know you don’t want to believe me,” he begins softly, “but I genuinely love Sookie Stackhouse. I have been willing to die for her; I’ve stayed away when she said she wanted a normal life. I even stepped aside when Bill was infected with Hep V. I would have given him the cure just so Sookie wouldn’t have to suffer. In all my life, human and vampire combined, she is the only woman I have truly loved,” Eric admits without a trace of his usual bravado. He has stripped himself bare so Willa will know the truth of his words. “I loved my maker and sister; I still mourn their losses. I have loved Pamela as my child. But the love I feel for Sookie eclipses all of them.”
“But you never loved me,” Willa says bitterly.
Eric sighs deeply, regret etched in every line of his handsome face as he looks at his orphaned progeny. Willa’s stance is both hostile and defensive as if she is preparing for a blow. Eric wishes his next words will not cause Willa any pain, but he knows that is a futile hope. “No, I do not love you,” he admits honestly.
Willa’s head snaps to the side as if physically struck and a small gasp escapes her lips. Eric wants to comfort Willa but knows she will not be receptive. “To be fair though, I do not know you Willa. I know the maker/child bond creates feelings of devotion in the progeny. It is to ensure the child is receptive to the teachings of the maker. Our beginning was under less than ideal circumstances,” Willa’s snort of derision interrupts Eric’s explanation and he is forced to smile hearing it. That’s something Willa has picked up from Sookie; it reminds Eric of how close the two women are. He continues with a small smile softening his features. “I want to get to know you Willa. The traits I saw in you that led me to believe you would be an excellent vampire are still there, but I want the opportunity for us to come to some sort of understanding. Eternity is far too long for you to carry a grudge; it will eat away at you, consume you, and destroy everything else about you. Let me have the chance to show you all the lessons my maker taught me,” Eric pleads.
Willa looks indecisive. Part of her yearns to accept Eric’s words; she wants to know her maker. She wants affirmation that her existence was not a mistake. At the same time, there is the wounded part inside her that wants to scorn Eric; there is a part of her that demands she make Eric suffer just as she has suffered without a maker to guide her.
“I don’t know what I want,” she admits truthfully. “Right now all I can focus on is finding Sookie and making sure her son is taken care of.”
“Of course,” Eric replies. His body is screaming in warning; dawn is close. Eric looks at the lightening sky with contempt. The daylight hampers everything he needs to accomplish. “You need to seek shelter. Dawn is fifty-one minutes away,” he says to his progeny.
“What about you?”
“I will return to one of my safe houses. There are things I need to arrange before dying for the day. Are you sure your resting place is secure? You are more than welcome to go to one of my homes if you wish.”
“No, I’ll be ok. Will I see you tonight?”
“I am not sure. Pamela and I need to have a little chat this evening,” Eric says ominously before taking flight.