You aren’t going to believe me…

…but I swear that everything I am about to write is the truth, the whole truth, so help me God. Lets start at the beginning shall we.

I stumbled across this fandom because I was lonely. My husband traveled often for his job; even when he was home, he worked out of the house so he never really quit working. Phone calls and emails are never ending thanks to smartphones. So to occupy myself while he worked, I started reading fanfiction. I think I read every Eric/Sookie story there was on fanfiction.net. It was while I was off between Christmas and New Year’s in 2013 that I got the courage to write my story, Resolutions. It did ok, so I was encouraged to keep writing. A Different Life was my next story, and it took off like a rocket! I was so excited that so many people were interested in my little story. I had originally envisioned the story being no more than twenty chapters; instead the readers convinced me to keep it going for 54 chapters and even write a sequel. The sequel was a big mistake; I have no motivation to write it and that is why I pulled it off this site.

Let me tell you, I have met many wonderful people because of this fandom, and the reviews, likes, and stats are like a drug. It fed my need for affection and attention when my husband wasn’t giving it to me. I felt more and more isolated from the world as he traveled almost constantly. I was tied to the house because we had two beautiful Labrador Retrievers that needed to be cared for plus all the chores that needed to be done. So while I was house-bound, I wrote… and wrote… and wrote. Somewhere along the way, my writing, beta work, and other stuff in the fandom began taking up all my free time. It was easy to have happen since my husband was also leading his own life that centered around his job, sports, and horror conventions.

Two people who at one point had so much in common became virtual strangers; really we were roommates. This past winter was especially hard on me because my beloved yellow Lab, Indiana, was very sick and they couldn’t figure out what was wrong. What made it worse was that I was going through it alone because my husband was traveling all over the southeastern part of the United States. In March, I reached my breaking point and that is when we first talked about divorcing.

Divorce?

It hit me like a freight train because I still cared deeply for my husband. I just thought we were in a rut and needed to reconnect; I thought it was because of all the stress of his job and that I’d been battling migraines for months. When we talked about it, I learned that he hadn’t been happy for years.

Say what?!?!

For months, I tried to save my marriage. I tried to engage him in activities that I knew he  liked, but I met indifference. I suggested things to bring us together, things we used to love doing together, but he always made excuses. Yet he always had time for his friends and brother, even shutting me out of things he knew I liked doing and would have done with all of them. I even cut back on all my writing because I wanted to devote my time and energy to him, but he told me that he didn’t want me to stop doing something that made me happy. However, he said in the same breath that he resented it.

Anyone else see the Catch-22 in this situation?

I reached a point where I started keeping track of how often he said ‘I love you’ or was affectionate towards me. I think an ice cube has more warmth than what I got in those months.

When all was said and done, my husband and I separated May 31. It was hard; I moped around for a week and cried at the drop of a hat. But I have wonderful family and friends, and they helped me get through it and realize something.

I hadn’t been happy in years. I’d cut off my friends and family because I’d sank into depression. I’d gone from a size 18 to a size 22. I’d stopped being me somewhere along the way, and became someone who catered to all of my husband’s demands. My husband was not an ogre, but it had to be his way or he wasn’t happy. More often than not, I’d just go with the flow because I’m pretty laid back, but when I started to assert myself and find me again, he didn’t like it. Our “amicable” divorce has been more about him throwing curveballs my way and me having to find ways of dealing with it. Writing Picking Up the Pieces has been cathartic; some of what happens in the story is based on my experience.

Its been a whirlwind the last two months. In that time, I’ve had to come to grips with ending an eleven year relationship, giving up my home and family, the financial burden of starting over, dating, living on my own, and I’ve had to say good-bye to my beautiful Indiana. I got to keep my black lab and he kept the yellow lab; I do NOT want to talk about that so please don’t mention it to me.

Despite the major changes in my life, I don’t regret my marriage. We had some great times, did things together that I probably never would have had the opportunity to do. Unfortunately, life just got in the way for us. It sucks, but it does happen. I wish him well despite the difficulties of the last few months.

As I sit here, I can tell you that I am actually happy. I have good days and bad like everyone, but I am excited for the future. I’ve moved into a lovely apartment with Chase, my black lab, and it’s really the perfect place for us. I’ve reconnected with my friends and I’m doing things for me that I wouldn’t have done before. I’ve lost over 60 pounds, going down to a size 14/16. And I’ve met a guy that makes me happy (and could possibly give Eric’s G.P. a run or its money!)

So what does all of this mean for you, my lovely readers?

Story updates!

I will be getting back to writing. Nymphomania, Deception, and Picking Up the Pieces are going to be on my radar. The others will come to me as time permits. I’m not going to promise regular posts but I will try to get you something next Sunday.

Thank you all for your patience. I appreciate all of you so much!

MJ1028

 

 

 

 

 

About mistressjessica1028

What can I say? My little shipper heart hated how SVM and TB treated Eric, so I have made it my mission to create worlds where the Viking always gets the girl. :-)
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37 Responses to You aren’t going to believe me…

  1. tj6james6 says:

    I’m not sure if saying congrats is appropriate so I’ll leave it at welcome back.
    I’ve been there, picking up the pieces and trying to get through each day. It’s not fun but you do eventually come out the other side.
    Looking forward to the updates but please take time for yourself since you’re what’s most important.
    Good luck in your new life and I hope the ex comes around and can at least be amicable with you somewhere down the road.

  2. jc52185 says:

    Though I am sorry to hear about all you have been going through, I am happy to hear that it sounds like you are well on your way to feeling much better. As difficult and challenging any change can be, it can also be uplifting and rewarding as well. Wishing you many rewards in this next journey of your life.

    And if writing makes you happy – I certainly don’t think you will be getting any complaints about that.

    Take care and be well!

  3. kleannhouse says:

    always here for you my friend, always here. stay strong sweet pea. KY

  4. Michelle says:

    Glad you came out stronger on the other side. I have done it a few times myself. I am a better person now than I ever was then. And happily married at last. After I got happy with myself. 😉

  5. askarsgirl says:

    Thank you for sharing something so personal with all of us. I am happy to hear you are doing well and moving on to bigger(!) and better things. Wishing you lots of love and laughter in this next chapter of your life 😃

  6. mindyb781 says:

    Ì can’t imagine what you are going through and went through. Congrats on the weight lose. May you continue to find joy.

  7. saldred75 says:

    much love and I hope you keep in your good happy place 🙂

  8. VictoryInTrouble says:

    I’m sorry for the tough things you’ve been through but so happy that you can see the other side and it sounds like you’re well on your way to happiness. Big hugs! I wish you well in every new adventure that comes your way. You sound strong! Congrats on the new man. 🙂

  9. Sorry to hear about all you have been thur but you are a strong woman and you have some many friends and people who love you that you can count on. Some of those people you have never meet, like me, but I will be here for you cause I believe or hope to call you friend. I love your stories and you have my unending support. Thank you for all that you do for your readers and have fun in your new chapter of life.

  10. candykorn0 says:

    I am sorry for what you have been through. It sounds like things are looking up for you now and I hope they get better and better! 🙂

  11. nortega1921 says:

    Thank you for sharing, you never know who may need to hear it. I know it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there, and I’m glad you feel safe enough with out fandom to share what you were/are going through. *hugs*

  12. sandyd1968 says:

    Thank you for sharing. Send hugs!

  13. I know it sounds contrite but sorry bout all you’ve been going through. I am so glad to hear everything is working out for you, should I say “for the better”. Also, glad to see you back!! Many hugs to you…..and Chase ; }

  14. suzymeinen says:

    *hugs* just a big hug for finding and being you.

  15. lostinspace33 says:

    Oh Sweetie, I’m so sorry for everything you’ve had to go through! I feel your pain like you wouldn’t believe. My story is far uglier and more sordid because I discovered last year that my husband of almost 14 years is a pathological liar and has ruined us financially, and even now, after being separated for 8 months, I’m still discovering horrible new truths about the man I loved and thought I knew. But I’m with you on the finally being happy part. Despite the fact that it’s going to take years to dig myself out of the financial mess he left me with, I feel like a huge burden has been lifted from my heart. Fan fiction, including your lovely stories, has been one thing I can rely on to take my mind off of my situation when things get especially tough.

    I’m so glad to hear that things are looking up for you, and I hope you continue to find joy and happiness daily. Please know that your writing contributes to my new found happiness as well. 🙂

  16. Tracey says:

    Okay I will start out nice and say I’m sorry you went through the wringer like that, but am glad you came out stronger. I am truly so sorry for you losing Indiana, the loss of a fur-baby is devastating. Now the not so nice, I have to be a lil selfish and ask how the he!! Did you lose 60lbs in a few months? Whatever you are doing keep it up, no one should settle for ok when there is awesome out there waiting

  17. larakingsley says:

    Thank you so much for sharing such a personal part of your life. There is little I can do, not knowing you personnaly and probably living hundred if not thousand of miles away, though after reading you for 2 years it feels like I do know you. I can only send you my best wishes for this new life you are making for yourself. You are a very strong person, Jessica.
    xoxo

  18. jules3677 says:

    Sorry to hear you have been going through all this. Life is never one long uninterrupted journey it has many side roads that need to be explored. (Well that’s what I told myself when things went out the proverbial window. 🙂 ) Hope that you continue to find happiness in your adventures.

  19. dettyfan says:

    Thank you for sharing your personal catharsis. Believe it or not it was inspiring. I am sorry for the bad days though. 🙂

  20. anem72 says:

    I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through all this. You’re moving on so you don’t need people to go over it again. What I will say is I worked through 2 breaking points with my hubby and papered over the cracks. They don’t go away and one day you realise you don’t even care but lost the opportunity to start over and maybe experience something better. Eventually you have zero confidence or self esteem and you’re starved of any affection. I got into reading fan fiction to escape my lonliness too and writers like you have kept me sane!. I wish you every happiness in your new chapter.

    p.s readers will always want more of a great story but you have to want to write the story or it becomes a chore rather than something you love doing. You gift your writing to us so you should write whatever you want, when you want.

  21. minica says:

    I am positive that you will succeed in crating good life for you. Person who can write like you with such great imagination always do. Good luck with all you work and have strength for bad days.
    Minica

  22. Natsgirl says:

    It has been a good year for new beginnings. My divorce became final two weeks ago. I had two years of married happiness and 23 years of confusion. You are lucky he was honest with you. You are luckier still to be reconnecting and moving on. Good for you. All good thoughts your way.

  23. mnjeanne says:

    I am so sorry you have experienced this, loss is so hard. I am sending you positive vibes and cyber hugs. And offering an ear if you ever need it.

  24. mom2goalies says:

    Hugs, just lots of hugs

  25. Kittyinaz says:

    Hate that you went through all this, but I am here if you need to vent. As you know. im off to babysit some cute little boys and hope that I am alive by the end of the day.

  26. I am sorry about your divorce I know how it feels to have your husband travel all the time for work and even when they are home they might as well not be for me it was harder because I had to raise our daughter all by myself , she didn’t even know him until a year ago when he got hurt at work and had to have surgery and was stuck in bed for 3 months and then had to learn how to walk again. He finally got to learn what an amazing little girl he has and know that he is back to work I am afraid it is going to start all over again l. That is how I hot started with Fanfiction I was lonely after my baby girl went to sleep so I would read I loved the first two seasons and the books where great until ten came out but I wanted more and I stumbled across Ericizmine and inlovewitheric and that was it i was addicted, my husband and I argue all the time about how much I read but when I stop reading to spend time with him he is to busy doing other shit. Sorry about my rant I just want you to know that I am happy for you know and glad that you are happy now. Good luck and hope to see a chapter soon.
    Patty

  27. msbuffy says:

    I’m happy for you. You’re a survivor, you can do anything, you know that? I’m still sending you virtual hugs. Though it’s hell at the time, It’s never easy to make those decisions. Having lived through almost this exact same thing, but with a baby, I learned that it was better for both of us to be single & lonely than married & lonely. Our daughter was far better off with two parents who were separate & happy rather than together & miserable. You sound as if you are far happier today and much healthier emotionally. Do what you need to do for you. It’s called self-preservation. Someday you will look at all of it as a valuable lesson. I wish you all the happiness & peace your new life WILL bring you! You’re doing so well already, and know that you have a family right here in this fandom if you ever need ‘an ear’ to listen. Take care of you. 🙂

  28. nightfal29 says:

    Sorry to hear all that you have been going through but glad that you can find happiness again. And very happy to hear that we will be getting more writing from you! You are very talented.

  29. missrissa81 says:

    You know you have my eternal support sweetie!! I but here’s to new chapters and better beginnings, oh and of course monster cocks!! 😉 You know I adore you and am here for you always!!

  30. lzdiva4 says:

    Wishing you better times and a satisfying future. You deserve all the happiness you bring us through your stories and more.

  31. Tynee23 says:

    Wishing you all the best. I’ve been there and done that fortunately I got all the dependents. Keep up the great work!!! 🙂

  32. ashmo2000 says:

    Congratulations, the storm passed and unfortunately not without it’s sorted devastations, but you found you again😊 Through it all that’s what YOU needed and I’m glad you found it😅

  33. aprl73 says:

    I’m glad things are better! You deserve to be happy 🙂

  34. redjane12 says:

    WOW! That sounds like a pretty rough year but glad to see you are already over the worst and things are looking up for you. Sending you loads of strength & as always thank you for writing!

  35. Magpie says:

    I’m just amazed you managed to write anything with all that going on. You are one strong lady, hats off to you. Really glad to hear that you’ve found your feet. But not surprised – you can’t keep a good woman down. All the best.

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